Podcast (how-to-be-an-adult): Play in new window | Download () | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio | Email | TuneIn | Deezer | RSS
This episode is for all the recovering people-pleasers out there. If you feel like it’s hard to say “no” in an unfair situation, I’m going to give you a moral framework that lets you to speak your mind and simultaneously feel like the hero in the story of your life… at the same time!
- We start by recognizing the false morality instilled during childhood that suggests being agreeable equates to being a good person.
- We should prioritize authentic, truthful communication over merely saying “yes” to please others, because this shift is essential for personal growth and emotional well-being.
- The ‘fawning’ response is a common trauma reaction that leads you to please others at the expense of their own feelings and beliefs.
- We encourage you to view yourself as an equal to others, regardless of hierarchical positions, because everyone has a right to voice their thoughts and feelings.
- Self-respect and self-love are crucial for establishing healthy boundaries and asserting your needs guilt-free.
- Neglecting your own morality inevitably leads to feelings of anger and resentment.
- Treating yourself as an equal can influence how others perceive and treat you, promoting a healthier social dynamic.
- Self-love and respect do not diminish others’ happiness; instead, they contribute to a collective increase in well-being, because emotions are positive-sum.
- Asserting yourself and saying “no” when necessary is a civilized and mature response that fosters healthier relationships and personal integrity.
Table of Contents:
00:00 – Intro
01:12 – “You’re only good if you say ‘yes,’ and bad if you say ‘no’”
02:57 – People-pleasing as a trauma response
04:12 – Neglecting your morality will lead to resentment
05:48 – The inequality of people-pleasing
09:38 – Your moral obligation to say ‘no’
14:58 – You can still be a good person even when you’re rocking the boat
16:35 – Our heroes say ‘no’ all of the time
18:17 – We are all living in your world, too
23:29 – Ceasing to people-please doesn’t make you a jerk
29:26 – Put your own oxygen mask on first
30:53 – Why I don’t trust people-pleasers
33:32 – A wolf that does not defend itself is demoralized or sick
34:35 – Outro
Listen above, on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify, or watch the full video on YouTube, free of third-party advertising. Remember to like, subscribe and share!
Luke Chao and Pascal Langdale are the co-hosts of the How to Be an Adult podcast. Possessing of a philosophical approach to life, they are both keenly interested in improving the society they live in. In this podcast, they share their thoughts freely in order to democratize high-quality living.